Gordon Clay here. A friend, James A. Cook, passed away on Tuesday. Our paths were rather similar, though I lived in Kansas and James in California.

We were both white-collar professionals and in 1974, we both got divorced. My wife asked me to assume full-custody of our 8-year-old daughter, which our lawyers and the judge faught. We won in the end, though it was the first time my 62 year old judge had ever given a child to the father. James sought shared custody of his son and his judge thought it was preposterous and said, furthermore, that he didn't have permission to grant shared custody.

Because of the attitude of the legal system, I started The Fathers' Network in 1976 to get other men to work on the issues and to share our knowledge about parenting as men. James organized the Joint Custody Association and in 1979 pushed through the California legislature the first law in the nation to encourage joint custody.

Because of his constant focus on this mission, all 50 states eventually followed suit, and today 26 states have gone even further, declaring joint custody to be not just legal but the preferred arrangement.

Twenty years of research has shown that fathers can learn to do most anything that a mother does. Family courts are flooded with fathers clamoring to prove that and continue to be part of their children's lives. And, although some judges remain biased in favor of mothers, an estimated 1 in 5 custody arrangements today are shared and sole custody for the father has grown to 15%.

Advice to dads: learn to do more with your kids whether you're divorced or not.

And to James, goodbye for now, friend, and thanks for all your hard work.