"Through My Eyes" Essay Contest VII Winners

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These top eight essays appeared in The Curry Coastal Pilot during April, 2012. The short-cut to this page is http://bit.ly/GVJrwS Check out all 25 essays here to post around May 1. Want to have a talk with your children but don't know how to start or what so say? Click here.

First Place - Posted April 28

Second Place - Posted April 25

Third Place - Posted April 21

Fourth Place - Posted April 18

Fifth Place - Posted April 14

Sixth Place - Posted April 11

Seventh Place - Posted April 7

Eighth Place - Posted April 4

Background

 

First Place - Anonymous 16

"Shots! Shots! Shots!" These were the last words I remember hearing before blacking out the last time I drank alcohol. I was like every other typical teenager in Brookings. I was young, bored, and curious. My three year relationship with my boyfriend had ended, and I was not only bored and curious now, but also hurt. Where did I turn? To alcohol, of course. The more parties I went to the more my tolerance for alcohol was built up and also the more I changed who I was.

I loved the feeling that most people get when they drink. The comfortable, invincible feeling that makes you act and do things you wouldn't normally do. I didn't care what happened or the crazy things I'd do at parties because I was having fun and "letting loose." All of my friends partied and no one bothered to tell me to stop or slow down, they loved watching me be a drunken idiot. Every weekend turned into the same sticky blur and waking up the next morning saying "I can't believe you did "blank" last night!" Then of course, there was the one party that changed everything.

It was just like every other weekend, the same group of friends, same place, and the same routine. After numerous games of beer pong and a few shots, I was belligerently drunk. Shots after shots were being handed to me left and right and finally the last foggy thing I remember was blacking out cold. There I was, waking up, only remembering some of what happened. My friends had to fill me in on the night and I was appalled at what had happened. I had absolutely no recollection of the huge mistake I had made. It was a regret that will be with me for the rest of my life. What happened was one of the biggest eye-openers I've ever had.

After this party, I chose to stop drinking for good. It took one huge mistake for me to realize that I had turned into someone that I didn't ever know anymore. A completely different person all formed and influenced by the bitter taste of alcohol. I am very proud to say that I have chosen to not drink since then, and am strong enough to say no. I encourage other kids not to fall into what I did and to be comfortable about themselves without the alcohol. Everyone has the choice to drink or not, and my only hope is that I inspire people to make the right one with my story and how it affected my life.

Second Place - Anonymous 2

Some days are more difficult that others. Sometimes I can still hear her screaming. I don't want to, believe me. I wish I couldn't see her crying in my mind every moment of every day. But I do - and it has changed me.

I used to live with my mother and aunt and grandmother until I was 11. Those years I grew up thinking that my family was normal. It was custom to not come home until 4 in the morning. It was even more common to not come home at all. In truth every weekend I spent with my Dad I thought he was the different one - and how I loved that difference; my wonderful, straight-laced ex-cop father that had no additions. For a few short days I was happy. I knew my dad would be there.

One of the worst experiences I had with alcohol was on my mother and aunt's 32 birthday. I visited her at my Grandmother's house. I wanted to spend time with her but she left me alone in the house by myself almost all night. She was out drinking for her birthday down the road a few houses. I spent most of that time on the phone with my dad. He wanted to drive the two hours to come and pick me up but I wanted to be brave though so I told him 'no' that I was fine. A part of me is almost afraid to admit it but I also stayed because of a sense of obligation to a woman with sunken eyes that never really looked at you, with thinning hair and bones that constantly tried to escape her skin - that woman was my mother.

It was a time in her life that was bad for her. Just like every other day when you're addicted; because you don't see joy. You are uncaring of the things that are important. She didn't see that her daughter was there to visit her for the first time in months. She didn't understand - the one thing we've ever had in common. With my mother there is a gap, some deep nagging voice that tells me I don't understand her and she can't understand me.

Alcoholism is not taken as seriously as it should. My mother was so bad that she once crashed into a tree almost killing herself and still she did not stop. Addicts cannot see the good in life, so they lack the motivation to change, even when they lose the things that should mean the most, their jobs, their families, eventually their lives.

I always wished, with everything I've ever had, that my mother had no addictions; that her father and her father's father had not been affected by the same disease. Alcohol addiction is a disease. When alcohol is abused in can not only ruin your life but everyone else's life that you care about.

I'm not going to describe the 'devil that lives in the bottle' or go as far as the prohibitionists do. Alcohol is not the devils lure for people. Some really good people just cannot take it in moderation. I have learned after watching my mother stumble into the front door at 2:30 in the morning and promptly collapse onto the floor begging for god to take her life. It was one of the most horrific events of my life; my mother crying on the floor pleading for her life to just be over. Screaming and shrieking that she wasn't happy, that she had nothing or no one to life for. I often find myself asking "what about me?" Was I not good enough of a reason to want to live?

My mother and I have no contact, because of the choice that she makes. I just can't live my life with her as a part of it, it causes too much grief. Trying to live your life around someone that is addicted is sometimes too much effort I know it was for me. I just cannot do it.

The one positive that I can firmly say has helped me from my mother's addiction is that I know I will never want to drink. I will never do to my family what she has always and forever done to hers. Alcohol is not evil, it's not good, it is just another thing people use for entertainment, in a world that has become increasingly boring for most. 

Third Place - Anonymous 23

I grew up in a family that was strong in the church. We would go every Sunday and always lived by it. I was taught at a very young age that drugs and alcohol are bad. That's why I never understood why my dad became an alcoholic.

My father's addiction never physically affected me, but it hurt me emotionally when my parents got a divorce. It happened when I was eight years old. My dad stopped coming home, and was using all of our money on alcohol and other drugs so my mom made him leave for good. I didn't fully understand what was going on because I was so young, but he was hardly home anyway so it didn't make much of a difference. My mom raised her six children as a single parent and did an amazing job. When alcohol really started affecting my life was when my mom started drinking.

Ever since my parents filed for divorce, my mom has tried dating a few guys. It doesn't usually last long. When she started dating Nathan, she got depressed because he was mean, but she didn't leave him because she hates being alone. She figured drinking would relieve some of her stress and sadness. The first time her drinking really affected me was one night when she decided to go on a walk after having a few drinks. It got pretty late so I called her and she didn't pick up. I had my friends help me try to look for her and I found her down at the port. When we brought her home, she started puking everywhere. I was so embarrassed that my friends had to see her like that.

Another night that she really upset me was my senior night for cheer leading at my last football game. She showed up at the last minute, and was stumbling around. I knew right away that she had been drinking. I was so frustrated because I didn't understand why she couldn't just stay sober for one night to support me. Instead of her escorting me out to the field, I had to escort her because she could hardly walk. People knew, and I just cried because I didn't want my senior night to be like that. She disappeared that night during the game, and ended up missing out on watching me get crowned homecoming queen. She was not there to congratulate me, video tape the experience, or even witness it. It was hard to even be happy about winning queen because I was so upset.

Seeing how alcohol has affected my life just from other people doing it, makes me never want to be like that. I don't ever want my stupid choices to make people feel the way I have felt. In a way, I am glad that I have had those experiences in my life so I can learn from their mistakes. Sadly, they are bad memories that I will never forget.

Fourth Place - Anonymous 4

How has alcohol affected my life? I personally have many experiences where alcohol has played a major part in my life. Most people overlook how serious alcohol can be to one's health. From past experience I found that it is life threatening. I have seen people have a had reaction to drinking too much before and it was so scary I didn't know what to do. That changed how I imagined alcohol consumption.

About five or six yeas ago I was about ten years old, while my sister was 17 years old. My parents had gone out of town for the weekend to go have fun somewhere. While they were out of town my sister got a bottle of UV vodka, I didn't think much of it. After we had been home alone for a while, it was dark outside with nothing to do, and that's when my sister got her bottle of UV out and started drinking it. After over half the bottle was gone I knew something bad was going to happen. That's when my sister started fading in and out of consciousness and saying she could not breathe. I was so scared I didn't know what to do. I had to keep her awake in fear of her falling asleep and stop breathing. The next day I found out that she had alcohol poisoning and was very ill.

This affected my life in a way I can't explain. I hope I never have to see anyone go through this again. It was terrifying seeing somebody stop breathing and going in and out of consciousness. I was so young I had no idea what to do. When this was happening I called my parents and they told me what I needed to do. I was not in trouble, but my sister was grounded forever. Even though my sister was grounded, she thanked me for calling my parents, because that could have been what helped her stay alive.

Fifth Place - Anonymous 5

Alcohol affects many people differently. Some may feel great, others feel sick, but all the dangers are the same when it comes to drinking. Not only are you messing with your brain, you are poisoning your entire body. Your liver, kidneys, heart, brain and everything in between. Alcohol is a killer because of the harmful side effects, and not only that, but in the way the individual reacts to alcohol. A little story of my experience will explain.

My buddies and I decided to go to a party not too far from town. We had been planning it for a few weeks now and were starting to get anxious. We hopped in my truck and headed out. The whole ride we were getting more and more excited. Finally we arrived at our destination, proceeded inside, and immediately started drinking. The party started out as one of the most fun nights of my life. I was laughing with my friends, meeting new friends, and throwing back a few getting loose.

As the night grew older there was some tension building throughout the house I could tell who was smashed and who was not by the way they were acting. There was this one guy who for some reason was getting really irritated with another. He was yelling at him, telling people he was going to hit him, and threatening the buy himself. The situation was getting worse as the first guy started to punch walls causing his knuckles to bleed. The second guy was so belligerent that he had no clue what was going on and was not helping the situation at all. I took him and sat him on the couch trying to get him to sleep so the night would cool off.

Everything seemed to be fine until I found out that the guy I sat on the couch was throwing up. I picked him up and carried him to a bedroom, cleaned him off and got him a bucket. Then the kid who was angry earlier came in and proceeded to start yelling, cursing, and threatening the guy I had just got settled. At this time I had lost all self-control. I exploded. I was yelling, threatening and cursing. Some others heard me and came to see what was going on. Some were freaked out by my ranting and others were trying to help me. I never hit him, but I have never been so close.

Finally, the night had seemed to calm and I needed to go to my truck to cool off. While I was meditating, my buddy came up and told me to come back inside because two of my other buddies were fighting. I ran back inside and saw one of my friends bleeding and the other had his shirt ripped off breathing heavy.

At that moment I realized we needed to leave so I grabbed my buddies, all of us pretty drunk, went to my truck, started it up, and drove us all home. Driving probably was not a good decision but I was not thinking clearly and that seemed to be the logical thing to do at the time.

Alcohol is a mind bender. I makes best friends become enemies and enemies become best friends. Dangerous things can happen when you put alcohol into the mix, but one thing to remember is, just stay away from it. The best way to avoid dumb, drunken headaches like this one is to not go at all. No matter who is there, no matter what you have been told. The best thing that could happen is you get a buzz; the worst thing that can happen is someone ends up in jail, a hospital, or a coffin.

Sixth Place - Jaelee Lamar

I always thought alcohol came in beautiful bottles. Not beer of course, but the more expensive wines, brandies, scotches - the cognizance of design that was put into the physical presentation of the bottles seemed a waste, considering how she drained them and threw them away. I've never drunk an incriminating amount of alcohol. Not because my parents told me not to, not because of the cheerful quotes printed on my friend's T-shirts from Christian Camp. It's only because, besides the offensive taste, I never had a strong desire to. I hardly claim to be some pure soul devoid of temptation because that would make this very boring to read - I'm saying I didn't trust my unconscious body with a group of intoxicated teenagers. I could only pray I would wake up with the impunity of a Sharpie mustache. It also might deal with my anal-retentive tendencies about self-conduct. In my life so many things have happened and I have watched happen, all of which without my permission. No one thought to ask me if these events would inconvenience my plans. And so I think we have very little in life we can control and guarantee, and self-conduct is one. Maybe the only thing. I have no input on how hard it will rain, but I get to choose to grab my raincoat.

I remember watching her put away glasses of the amber-colored stuff, because she always had the good manners to use glasses. She said ladies drink from glasses. I remember the decay of our talk, the dissolution of her coherence, the slow, slow, deterioration of my patience. You see, when she was very drunk, it didn't matter what you said. You could strip naked and build a fire to worship some sun god and it would all be lost on her come morning. So, later into the night, I had less and less responsibility to nod comfortingly and mumble reassurance, when she responsibly reassured me she was not indeed drunk. I remember watching her descend; a slippery, dumb stupor draped itself on her speech and inhibition as she drew in more of the liquid and blew out blue smoke from her cigarette. Her attention darted from subject to distraction to slurred justification like a slimy fish in a murky puddle. And she looked at me - her eyes steady over the cigarette in juxtaposition to the limp gray hair that flopped over her forehead. She said "You know something?" and I said what. And she said "I spent my whole life being loved by everyone, now I'm 62 and nobody wants me." And I said that's very sad. And she said "Yeah." And she took another hard drag in and blew it out making a cancerous curtain between us.

That's my experience with alcohol, I suppose.

Seventh Place - Whitney Floyd

Alcohol has affected my life in many ways. I'm sure it has affected nearly everyone's lives. During my senior year alcohol had a huge impact on my varsity basketball team. In the beginning of the basketball season our team was stacked with four returning seniors, and many talented juniors and underclass girls. A few games in, one of our seniors quit. It was one loss, so we had to learn to work around it.

A few weeks in and the start of the season was right around the corner. New Years got the best of three of our four junior players. The next practice was a horrible one: getting the news that one of our starters and two other players would be on probation for a month for getting M.I.P.s, with the season starting the next week. Once again it was a hard blow to the team; the bench was getting shorter so we had to change our lineup and game plan tremendously. A few weeks into season, on an undefeated record, our home game against the top team in league got canceled due to weather and was moved to the following Monday.

After practice everyone went home, and we got the phone call the next day that our best three point shooter/senior and starting sophomore received M.I.P.s that night while driving around. That was the end of the world, down six players, five to M.I.P.s before the biggest game of the season. Right before the game, we all got the news that another player quit because she was upset she wasn't starting. The game was a tough loss for the team, but we worked around all the losses and finished second in league. The lesson was to learn from other people's mistakes.

Eighth Place - Anonymous 24

Throughout my family for many generations, alcohol has played a role. Too many people have relied on alcohol to make them feel better, or get through hard times they may have faced. But hearing those stories has made me realize that drinking was not for me.

My dad has told me how life was for him when he was growing up. How his real father was a horrible alcoholic. He would practically take all the money that he had worked for and would go our and drink. My grandmother hardly had enough money to buy them milk, and having as many children as she did, life was difficult already. But then when my grandpa would come home from the bar, he would beat on my grandmother, the most gentle, kind and loving woman I know. He would beat her so badly because the alcohol had turned him into a monster. It happened all too often.

My other grandfather, my mother's dad, was another alcoholic as well. This story is different in that he did not beat anyone. But still, he would use all of the family's money, leaving my grandmother at home with her three girls with hardly any money to eat. He spent the majority of his time out at the bars with his friends, getting wasted. My mom has hardly any good memories with her father because he was never there for her or her family. And I, even today, have only a few good memories of him. But luckily, he has recently joined the AA meetings and has been off of alcohol for about two years. After more than 30 years of drinking and missed opportunities to get to know his family.

Hearing these stories has helped me realize the person that I don't want to be. These stories have showed me how I do not want to be that person that is never around. I want to be a better person than that. I want to be that person that people can rely on, talk to and have a relationship with. I want to be that friend that anyone can come to, whenever they need something. Drinking just makes you the opposite of all of these characteristics.

I am lucky that I have been able to realize these things from other stories. I hope that others are able to do the same thing and realize that drinking really doesn't make you any cooler. In fact, I have much more respect for people that can say no and stand up for something good.

Drinking isn't worth it. Being a drunk is not who I want to be.

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